A list for today
1) Here I go again, writing in code. I'm sorry, I can't help myself. I'll try not to, or at least to make it easily decipherable if I do.
2) I always imagine what it will be like once the wheel turns. If things don't fall apart before then, that is. But the other day I realized the wheel has been turning for a long time now, and has almost completed a full circle. We don't remain children forever, and even though we may still feel immature and comparatively young, we're older than we ever thought. Just because we're all in the youngest generation doesn't mean we're all still children. It just occurred to me that adulthood is more than growing up. It's a whole other level of existence. And the line you have to cross to get there keeps moving.
3) On the same note, what comes after adulthood? Will I be allowed to know even once I become an adult?
4) What am I doing here? Not even three years ago I was sure I was never going to go to college. Not because I thought I wasn't capable, because it seemed too... (restricting? stale?) something. Then when I finally came to terms with the idea of going, I was decidedly not going anywhere near the Midwest. And then not anywhere in Missouri. And now here I am a mere two hours from home. It's not far enough. I didn't realize how lame that two hours was until Elaine spelled it out for me (literally- we were IMing each other). When I commented on that lameness, she said "What, do you want to go to school in Alaska?" Well, yes, actually I do. Before I settled for this decidedly lame Midwest college I was looking at several universities in Anchorage. Which brings me to item number five.
5) I really hate how it takes so long to build up excitement for something bit by bit and then takes only one insignificant detail that shouldn't even matter to ruin the whole thing in one short instant. Can't we just keep what little excitement we're allowed?
6) Aaron Neville's Soulful Christmas has now played repeatedly for the fourth time. I love the memories and emotions it evokes. Sneaking liqueurs in your eggnog at Gramma and Grampa's, lighting the neighborhood luminaries with blow torches, getting lost in the woods looking for a Christmas tree, snow, cold, candles, warm things in the oven, full moons, cinnamon and nutmeg... *sigh*
7) Truman isn't good enough. Oh, it's fine academically. I like most of the few people I've met. I even occasionally still enjoy the company of old friends. But Truman... it isn't enough.
8) People are so predictable. Does that ever frustrate you?
9) I wonder if this is all there is to life? If it is, I'll make like my fish and jump out of my bowl. But he was trying to get back in.
10) I know why I'm here. I don't want to have to live in the real world. I'm biding my time. Soon enough, this bird will fly, too.
11) I'm very selfish. I don't share things well. But some things I love so much that I must share them with somebody. But they don't understand how much it means that I am sharing these gifts with them. They don't understand the gifts and in my eyes they both turn sour. In that world, you only get two strikes before you're out. But the first one... she understood. Or perhaps we were both too young to understand anything. Either way, it doesn't matter; I still got jealous. I'm still selfish.
12) Twelve. It is a magic number.
2) I always imagine what it will be like once the wheel turns. If things don't fall apart before then, that is. But the other day I realized the wheel has been turning for a long time now, and has almost completed a full circle. We don't remain children forever, and even though we may still feel immature and comparatively young, we're older than we ever thought. Just because we're all in the youngest generation doesn't mean we're all still children. It just occurred to me that adulthood is more than growing up. It's a whole other level of existence. And the line you have to cross to get there keeps moving.
3) On the same note, what comes after adulthood? Will I be allowed to know even once I become an adult?
4) What am I doing here? Not even three years ago I was sure I was never going to go to college. Not because I thought I wasn't capable, because it seemed too... (restricting? stale?) something. Then when I finally came to terms with the idea of going, I was decidedly not going anywhere near the Midwest. And then not anywhere in Missouri. And now here I am a mere two hours from home. It's not far enough. I didn't realize how lame that two hours was until Elaine spelled it out for me (literally- we were IMing each other). When I commented on that lameness, she said "What, do you want to go to school in Alaska?" Well, yes, actually I do. Before I settled for this decidedly lame Midwest college I was looking at several universities in Anchorage. Which brings me to item number five.
5) I really hate how it takes so long to build up excitement for something bit by bit and then takes only one insignificant detail that shouldn't even matter to ruin the whole thing in one short instant. Can't we just keep what little excitement we're allowed?
6) Aaron Neville's Soulful Christmas has now played repeatedly for the fourth time. I love the memories and emotions it evokes. Sneaking liqueurs in your eggnog at Gramma and Grampa's, lighting the neighborhood luminaries with blow torches, getting lost in the woods looking for a Christmas tree, snow, cold, candles, warm things in the oven, full moons, cinnamon and nutmeg... *sigh*
7) Truman isn't good enough. Oh, it's fine academically. I like most of the few people I've met. I even occasionally still enjoy the company of old friends. But Truman... it isn't enough.
8) People are so predictable. Does that ever frustrate you?
9) I wonder if this is all there is to life? If it is, I'll make like my fish and jump out of my bowl. But he was trying to get back in.
10) I know why I'm here. I don't want to have to live in the real world. I'm biding my time. Soon enough, this bird will fly, too.
11) I'm very selfish. I don't share things well. But some things I love so much that I must share them with somebody. But they don't understand how much it means that I am sharing these gifts with them. They don't understand the gifts and in my eyes they both turn sour. In that world, you only get two strikes before you're out. But the first one... she understood. Or perhaps we were both too young to understand anything. Either way, it doesn't matter; I still got jealous. I'm still selfish.
12) Twelve. It is a magic number.
posted by Emma at 11:39:00 AM
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