Takin' my time, just like Bonnie
Warning: tonight, as per usual, there will be no coherent theme to my ramblings, and I will probably regret saying most of it later.
I accidentally took a nap today sometime around 6:30. It ended up being a three hour nap, which meant that not only did I miss the last meeting of my cult for the semester, but I also am wide awake now at 2 o'clock in the morning. I'm really upset that I missed my meeting, as tonight was supposed to be the night that I sort of agreed to take over the head position. Way to show my responsibility.
Instead I spent the next four hours watching stupid television shows, endlessly playing minesweeper, and running out of things to look at on the internet. At eleven I remembered I was supposed to call my dad tonight, but I decided not to because it was late and everyone was probably asleep. I hope tomorrow doesn't make me regret that.
My dad is getting old. I've known this for a long time but only now realized the truth of it. He's so close to being an old person. He keeps getting gout, his memory is horrible, he always pays for things with exact change- or worse yet, with some bizarre scheme to minimize the number of coins in his wallet, such as paying $10.36 for a bill that is $8.11, thus ensuring that he gets a single quarter in exchange for his many pennies. It always confuses the person at the cash register. And now I am beginning to understand that he won't be around for the rest of my life. I keep thinking of events in my hypothetical future kids' lives that he probably won't be there for, and that's really depressing.
Speaking of which, I somehow lured myself into thinking that I am not one to wear my emotions on my sleeve, as they say. Until today at dinner when I realized how silly that idea was. I hate people who are always going on about how happy they are or how sad they are or whatever, and I totally do it all the time. It annoyed me when I realized that, after spouting horrible story after horribly incoherent story to poor bored Jenny across the table. As soon as I apologized for being so chipper and excited I thought about the last time we ate dinner together, and how I was miserable the whole time and did nothing but rant about someone I hoped I would never find cause to be angry with. The funny thing was, though, I wasn't really angry, I was just momentarily annoyed. I don't think I'm every truly angry with any of my friends, I just build up frustrations about them until I have to complain for several days, then start over.
I always do that, though, with friends I really like. I convince myself at some point in the relationship that I'll never have cause to be really upset with that particular person. I cannot think of one single thing I could ever possibly be upset about in regards to that person. And then one day it happens and the next thing I know I'm complaining to everyone how annoying that person is and how I can't believe she did this and didn't do that. But I always get over it. It's kind of silly to think there will never be any big disagreements.
I am so glad today is over with. I really hope the rest of the week is a breeze. And Friday is Cinco de Mayo and Kade's birthday and I know I've been looking forward to that for a while. It will be the first time in pretty much a month that I will be getting drunk instead of stopping after three beers because I'm fucking sick (drinking when you're sick is not a good idea- I'm pretty sure it's what made me a whole lot sicker). And it will be at the lake with lots of people I like.
Most of all, though, today (well, tonight) has somehow just put me at a loss. I haven't known what to do all evening. I feel bad that I forgot to call home.
I need to go to bed so that I will actually wake up tomorrow morning after my four hours of sleep. But I'm still wide awake.
Again, please disregard this post. It's not cohesive and the only reason I wrote it was to give me something to do because frankly after one straight hour of minesweeper, I'm tired of those stupid little gray squares.
I accidentally took a nap today sometime around 6:30. It ended up being a three hour nap, which meant that not only did I miss the last meeting of my cult for the semester, but I also am wide awake now at 2 o'clock in the morning. I'm really upset that I missed my meeting, as tonight was supposed to be the night that I sort of agreed to take over the head position. Way to show my responsibility.
Instead I spent the next four hours watching stupid television shows, endlessly playing minesweeper, and running out of things to look at on the internet. At eleven I remembered I was supposed to call my dad tonight, but I decided not to because it was late and everyone was probably asleep. I hope tomorrow doesn't make me regret that.
My dad is getting old. I've known this for a long time but only now realized the truth of it. He's so close to being an old person. He keeps getting gout, his memory is horrible, he always pays for things with exact change- or worse yet, with some bizarre scheme to minimize the number of coins in his wallet, such as paying $10.36 for a bill that is $8.11, thus ensuring that he gets a single quarter in exchange for his many pennies. It always confuses the person at the cash register. And now I am beginning to understand that he won't be around for the rest of my life. I keep thinking of events in my hypothetical future kids' lives that he probably won't be there for, and that's really depressing.
Speaking of which, I somehow lured myself into thinking that I am not one to wear my emotions on my sleeve, as they say. Until today at dinner when I realized how silly that idea was. I hate people who are always going on about how happy they are or how sad they are or whatever, and I totally do it all the time. It annoyed me when I realized that, after spouting horrible story after horribly incoherent story to poor bored Jenny across the table. As soon as I apologized for being so chipper and excited I thought about the last time we ate dinner together, and how I was miserable the whole time and did nothing but rant about someone I hoped I would never find cause to be angry with. The funny thing was, though, I wasn't really angry, I was just momentarily annoyed. I don't think I'm every truly angry with any of my friends, I just build up frustrations about them until I have to complain for several days, then start over.
I always do that, though, with friends I really like. I convince myself at some point in the relationship that I'll never have cause to be really upset with that particular person. I cannot think of one single thing I could ever possibly be upset about in regards to that person. And then one day it happens and the next thing I know I'm complaining to everyone how annoying that person is and how I can't believe she did this and didn't do that. But I always get over it. It's kind of silly to think there will never be any big disagreements.
I am so glad today is over with. I really hope the rest of the week is a breeze. And Friday is Cinco de Mayo and Kade's birthday and I know I've been looking forward to that for a while. It will be the first time in pretty much a month that I will be getting drunk instead of stopping after three beers because I'm fucking sick (drinking when you're sick is not a good idea- I'm pretty sure it's what made me a whole lot sicker). And it will be at the lake with lots of people I like.
Most of all, though, today (well, tonight) has somehow just put me at a loss. I haven't known what to do all evening. I feel bad that I forgot to call home.
I need to go to bed so that I will actually wake up tomorrow morning after my four hours of sleep. But I'm still wide awake.
Again, please disregard this post. It's not cohesive and the only reason I wrote it was to give me something to do because frankly after one straight hour of minesweeper, I'm tired of those stupid little gray squares.
posted by Emma at 11:50:00 PM
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